Nostalgia garble
The week that was
Dear dairy,
It’s hard to come down after such a fun and independent week last week! Not only did I have my city staycation, but I then had a whole day in the office after that, and a night out with some friends on Friday. It was great! But I’m super ready for a quieter week this week, taking advantage of Seren’s nap times to go in the studio and draw in my sketchbook, hopefully.
I got completely sucked in to the 2016 nostalgia trip this week. No one can resist the opportunity to post old photos of themselves, can they. I thought I was immune but in my quest to stay relevant and ‘grow my social media’ I guess, I jumped on the trend. A lot of me this year really wants to try more with Instagram and socials as it’s the most accessible outlet for me right now. It could also be a good earner for me if I really try. It also is like, my roots. I’ve never been more me than when it was just me, my blog and my sketchbook. I long for the simplicity of that.
2016 was of course a simpler time. I was undertaking a residency at Gertrude Contemporary, an art gallery and studio institution on Gertrude Street, Fitzroy. It was and still is the most competitive studio program to be accepted to in Victoria if not Australia, and I got accepted the year after I’d graduated art school which was unheard of. I didn’t believe them myself when they called me.
It was the most fantastic thing for me. I thrived there. But as with a lot of the places in my life that I inhabit, I didn’t really fit in. I didn’t make friends, I didn’t socialise with people there - through purely my own choice of preferring to do long hours solo making things in my sacred space. I absolutely loved it. I was on top of the world in my little second story haven, looking out over Fitzroy.
Right now I find it hard to talk about this time in my life, because it makes me remember that I was teed up to be this ‘‘huge success’’ in the art world, and I feel like I never quite lived up to or fulfilled that trajectory. And I’m not necessarily sad about that outcome, to be honest, but it makes me feel like I failed, even though everything I did during that time was still a success regardless of following it up or bettering it. I never really felt like I truly belonged in the worlds I was in, but I thought the art world was the only one that made the most sense for me. For a decade I diligently followed that path, I excelled in ticking the boxes. Gertrude artist. Commercial representation. Works purchased by the National Gallery of Australia. Solo show at a public institution. I enjoyed it. In 2018 I sort of got waylaid - something I still don’t think I’m ready to talk about. It took me a long time to recover my confidence. I’m still not there yet. I produced a solid exhibition in early 2020, but no one saw it because everything shut down. And I guess since everything reopened after Covid, I’ve been a bit confused as to what I am.
I don’t think I’m alone in going through a seismic shift after getting through a pandemic. Those of you who lived in Melbourne throughout it, are well aware that we endured some of the toughest and longstanding lockdown laws in the world. These years also aligned with my Saturn return. It was both mundane and life altering. Who knew.
Despite all this, I do still come back to the label ‘artist’ for myself. I touched upon this in an earlier Substack while having another identity crisis, so forgive me if I’m boring you. It still fits me, I think, but it might just mean something different to what I thought it meant when it was 2016.
I also wanted to reminisce on one of the crazier things I did in 2016 which was host a clothing sale in my Gertrude Street studio. Some of you may have even come along! (If you did, wow, thank you for your support for a DECADE!) I advertised it online, and it was truly a fire sale of my whole wardrobe. Pieces I had photographed in my first book - mostly pieces I’d op shopped and collected over 10 years since I was like 16. I think back to some of the amazing clothes I had and parted with here - c’est la vie! Over 100 people came through, and it was like chaos when I first opened. I ended up making nearly $3000 cash which was the most money I’d ever seen. I exchanged most of it for Japanese Yen and took it on my first overseas trip with Simon - to Japan - a few weeks later.
I’ve trawled my shambles of an archive for any images I could find of the 2016 clothes bounty before everyone bought everything, and I couldn’t find any (except the couple of below relics - the invitation and the shoes!) I know they’d be somewhere. I wish I had a person whose only job it is is to keep track of my digital archive. I have lost so many images through new phones etc. Although if I had the money for a person to keep track of my files for me I’d probably spend it on something more worthwhile…
***
I wrote all of the above a couple of days ago, and in the meantime received a text message from my old boss at Monash - at this point I haven’t taught there for 2 years since I left after getting pregnant. She asked if I wanted to come back again this year and I was so flattered, and reminded that I do have skills, and that I am useful and wanted in some capacity. I told her as much, while I politely declined the offer. Logistically it’s just a little much for me, still, I already have three days of childcare help and would be pushing it to get another, plus preparation time for each class etc. But I end the week feeling buoyant, that even after all these years I may still have something to bring to the table.
There was a tiger snake at my Mum and Dad’s front door! We had to call ‘The Snake Hunter’ to relocate him. Bit too close for comfort!
Yes, now I am paranoid of snakes with Seren.
Lots of firsts with Seren this week! First time swimming at the pool, first chocolate ice cream, first Sushi Train experience!
Ins/Outs:
OUT: On Friday evening I went to a bar with two friends and then dinner. On my quest to have an enjoyable margarita (with a salt rim) that’s exactly what I ordered. I was mildly disappointed again that it was served in one of those thimble glasses with no ice, but there was a salt rim so can’t complain too much I guess. Although I’m beginning to feel as though maybe my version of an ideal margarita is not the traditional? Ideally I want one on the rocks, in like a heavy glass that you might have whiskey in? With a lime wedge and a salt rim with like a course salt. I guess I have to work up the courage to relay this to the next bartender I encounter. Anyway. The ‘out’ is me being unsatisfied with my margarita experience. ha.
IN: Summer. Every day I thank the stars above that it’s summer. I love it so much.
Wishlist:
The only person who is kind enough to listen to my boring broken Tonie box saga is you guys and my lovely colleague at work. But thankfully they are sending a new one, AND they let us pick a free Tonie to have with it! So it’s worked out. As long as the new unit actually works that is. Busting to get it back because Seren has been a handful and it proved a fantastic edition to his days!
I also couldn’t resist getting Seren the new Thimble Turtle Jellycat that I saw in Mooi at Doncaster.
Also got him this Purebaby T shirt for free because I had enough points to redeem for it. Extremely niche content but if you shop at Purebaby and you have points to redeem, you need to redeem them before the 31st of January because from then they are going to half their value!
Watching/Listening:
We finished Pluribus! It was absolutely glorious. I can’t recommend it to enough people. The last two episodes were slow, but not frustratingly so. It’s the one show I can relax into and let it sort of wash over me - it’s just such high quality that I’m happy to let go and enter the world. At the end of the series I do sort of feel like it’s just begun, but I suppose that’s a good thing. Unfortunately I foresee a substantial wait for Season 2.
My favourite line was ‘‘We save the world mañana’’
Since Pluribus ended we’ve moved on to Season 2 of Fallout, another post apocalyptic TV series (why am I specifically drawn to this genre?) Although I’m kind of getting like mild trauma watching it because when we watched Season 1 Seren was about 6 weeks old, I was failing at breastfeeding and at getting him to sleep, so it has weird connotations for me. It’s watchable and exciting but there is A LOT going on it in that I can barely keep up. There are at least 6 separate plot lines that you have to keep abreast of. Go in ready to concentrate.
